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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven in everyday journalism, and we are always mindful to significant toilet tales and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to learn that a prominent writer a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who took the rest room a little too literally, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss versus the Cod Army. “He had no shoes on and couldn't find his phone and his hat,” elaborated an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook during his peak popularity at Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting directions to the restrooms, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” a student told a Manchester newspaper. “After that he was just walking around the college grounds acting like the owner.”

The Toilet Resignation

Tuesday marks 25 years to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned as England manager after a brief chat inside a lavatory booth with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the legendary venue. As Davies remembers in his diary, his private Football Association notes, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies tried desperately to salvage the situation.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history took place in the vintage restrooms of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, subsequently confessing he considered his tenure as national coach “soulless”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers have long disappeared, whereas a German currently occupies in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for women's football cup news concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, in just our underwear. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to oversee the primary team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and share a brief observation. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the Championship and that would be some struggle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|